Biohacker Bryan Johnson brags he has ‘erections of a teen’ and says ‘aliens would struggle’

In his latest overshare, everyone’s favourite billionaire biohacker has claimed that aliens would not be able to distinguish his “erection function” from his son’s.

Billionaire biohacker Bryan Johnson has claimed that were “aliens” to come down to earth and meet him, they would not be able to distinguish his “erection function” from his teenage son.

The headline-grabbing former venture capitalist, who has publicly declared his life goal to be immortality, claimed that extra-terrestrials would find him “indistinguishable” from his 18-year-old son Talmage, especially considering the quality of his hard-ons, as well as several other physical attributes.

The 47-year-old, whose self-declared motto is “do not die”, claims that his “fertility, resting heart rate, vascular health, muscle and fat” are all the same as that of a healthy teen, although Johnson does admit that his “hearing” and “somatic mutations” are that of someone his age.

Johnson’s hearing is of particular concern, he says: “My left ear is age equivalent of 64. I shot guns as a kid and listened to loud music, never wearing proper hearing protection.

Generally, the modern world is way too loud and routinely causes hearing loss. This increases neurodegeneration risk. I have hearing aids for this.”

Taking to X, Johnson wrote: “In many ways, I am 18. If an alien encountered me, they’d struggle to distinguish me from my son. I know this seems impossible. I also know I look my age, 49. But here are the ways I am indistinguishable from an 18-year-old.

“This is the first rep and we are still figuring things out, but it points toward our inevitable future: better technology and therapies will make youthful vibrance the default.”

The billionaire, who has also begun sharing in explicit detail the physical and sexual health statistics of his wife Kate, stressed to his followers that they too could reverse many aspects of their biological age.

Johnson wrote: “If you’re in your 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, and wondering if you can do the same, the answer is yes. If you’re a teen or in your 20s and feel awful, you can too. These results only took me 5 years to achieve.

“The most powerful things are free, and gated only by choice. It feels amazing. I feel nimble, and spry, and excited by the world. I hope you join me in saying yes to life and no to die culture.”