The comedian Tom Segura doesn’t necessarily like traveling, but he knows what works for him, and it doesn’t involve fancy outfits (though sleep masks do come into play).
“I see people glammed up and it’s like, dude, you should dress like a fugitive when you get on a flight,” Mr. Segura, whose latest comedy special, “Disgraceful” is now streaming on Netflix, said. “You should make travel as comfortable as possible.”
He does, though, have his limits on casual wear — more on that below. And you also have to be prepared to react to other people’s actions, he said, which is where the sleep mask comes in.
“On early a.m. flights there’s always one jackass who still wants to watch the sun rise and then stare into it for the next five hours,” Mr. Segura said. “Meanwhile, everyone in the whole cabin has their window shade down and it’s dark but there’s that one guy. So now I just put on a sleep mask.”
Traveling with children is a whole other thing. Mr. Segura and his wife — fellow stand-up comedian Christina Pazsitzky — became first-time parents in Dec. 2015.
“Traveling with kids is tough. My best advice is don’t do it,” Mr. Segura said.
But if you have no choice, he has thoughts on that too and further observations on how to make travel more bearable.
Checking a Bag Is for Rookies
I’m definitely a jaded traveler but you try to make the best of what you know about the experience. Like, I know how to pack a bag. I know that checking a bag is for rookies. I know that if you’re in a high traffic time going into a major airport — I live in L.A., so at L.A.X. — you want to be dropped off at arrivals, not at departures. There’s less traffic there and you can run over to departures quickly. So it’s the little things that you pick up on the way.
Have Some Self Awareness
Begin with perhaps covering your torso. Have you seen photos of how people traveled on planes in the ’60s? Coat and tie was the standard. I’m not suggesting we all go back to that but for God’s sake do you really need to wear a tank top? Put on some deodorant and add a shirt if you don’t mind.
I get that most people aren’t going to be served food on a flight but the amount of people with zero regard for their fellow man is astounding. People bring all types of food onboard and by the smell of it, it wasn’t meant to be consumed. Tuna melts, pastrami, curry and virtually all fast food has what can only be described as a stench in a confined space. It’s mind-blowing how checked out and inconsiderate so many people are of the other passengers. Dude, eat that garbage before we board so the rest of us don’t have to spend the next four hours nauseated because you can’t plan out your meal times like an adult.
If You Must Travel With Kids, Bring Help
Leave your kids behind and take your trip, that would be my No. 1 tip. The second thing to do is, if you can, bring help. Whether it’s a friend, a nanny, a relative, whoever you can bring with you to help out. I’ve never done it alone so I’ve just been fortunate enough to always have some help with me. Without it, I think I would be freaking out. I’m not built to do that.
Do Whatever It Takes to Sleep Well
It’s all about getting great sleep. I’ve even gone as far as asking them for duct tape and I’ve taped that space, that gap that lets in light. In Canada one time, I told the guy, “yeah man, you know, I keep trying to block out the light” and they sent up the engineer and he’s like, “what are you doing?” I said, “I want it to be blacked out, man, so I can sleep.” And he goes, “oh I can staple it.” And I’m like, “you want to staple it to your own walls?” He was like, “yeah, sure.” And I was like, “I think you’re getting fired this week.”
Sleep is important for a comic — like it is for a lot of people. But sometimes we’re getting up at crazy hours. So I always ask for a hotel room not near the elevator. And I always ask for something not near the ground level. And depending on the class of hotel there’s little tricks like if you tell them you have medicine they’ll put a fridge in your room. Like, I don’t have any medicine but I still want a fridge.
How to Find the Best Restaurant in a Small City
If you ask somebody locally where a good spot is, they’ll often take you to like a bar with chicken fingers. And you want to be like, “what is wrong with you?” But you realize it’s just like what that person knows. So the way you find out the best restaurant in any city is go, “where do rich people eat?,” or, “where do people go for graduations and anniversaries.” It sucks that you have to phrase it that way because you sound pretentious but it’s the only way.
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